spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
