maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
