I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
