If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
