HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
The adults are the big ones right?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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