I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
