The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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