I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
