Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
