ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
