Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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