Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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