Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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