I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
