I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize
