you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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