So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
