yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
So here I am, sexting at work.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
