Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
