What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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