You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
