i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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