Nicole vs. Life
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
