People with herpes should wear stickers.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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