Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
It's blow job season.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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