You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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