I puked a lego.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
