I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
