Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
