I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
