he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Randomize
