one two three fourrrrnication!
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
