is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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