it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
