Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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