the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
