dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
