Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
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