saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
