wat bout pragnant strippers??
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
