If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
