Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
