I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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