I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
