WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
