not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
