Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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