Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
