Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
