just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
