just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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