okay pat passed out under dana's car
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
