i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
And then the night went full on bisexual.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
