I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
