If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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